The pain is always there but only with suffering can I heal.

So I'm really excited about softball right now. So we took 1st place in the MCCAA Eastern Conference. Oh yeah! On Tuesday we won some important games and the Wednesday Oakland lost a game and because of that we took 1st place. I was so excited and so happy.^^ On Sunday we play in Battle Creek and next weekend we play in Midland. I'm so happy and so ready to play more. ^_^

Life has been pretty great lately, except for school. I'm so ready for school to be done with. It's very tiring.

But on the upside life has been great, things with Jacob have been wonderful. We have our wedding date, our reception site and I have my dress.

I'm so glad I found Jacob, he is an amazing person. He loves me and cares about me. I just know he will always love me and care about me. He's such a sweetheart and he is so adorable.

I've gone through alot in my life and I may have not experienced everything but I know what I want. Yes, I've always said I wanted to get married young and yes I get that. But I always knew that if I didn't find the right person it wouldn't happen. But I've been blessed and lucky enough to have found that person. And I know he is the right person, not just because he loves me and not just because I love him but because I know. I have this feeling in my heart telling me he is the one.

Jacob and I were meant for each other and we were brought together for a reason. I'm glad he was brought to me. And I'm glad I could be there for him. And together we are one and I know that sounds cheesy but it's true.

I love him and he makes me so happy and he always will.

Yesterday was my first day back to school. Everything went great and I really think I'm going to like my classes this semester. But through my day I had a lot on my mind and I've had a lot on my mind the last few weeks. I've just been sitting by letting things happen, I've just kept my mouth shut, But not anymore.

As probably all of you know Jacob Barrons and I broke up. We had a mutual break up on the Wednesday before Christmas. Some of you may know that I am now dating Jacob Pizzo, who yes at one time was considered Jacob Barrons best friend. But even before I came into the picture their friendship was having difficulties. With that being said I still feel like I came in between them and I do feel bad. I did not want to hurt Jacob Barrons like that.

But with all this happening I've had a lot to think about. I've talked to plenty of people about what happened and I get different reactions. For those who really know me are happy for me. But for some people who only heard what happened think I'm an awful person. But not all of you know what happened between Jacob Barrons and I. When I really sit down and talk to people about our relationship, they always ask "why did you go back to him?" If you don't know Jacob and I had broken up three times before this last time. He broke up with me three times and because of other girls. The first two times I understood, I was still hurt but I understood. But the third time really hurt, he lied to me. But I did take him back, my friends called me foolish but I loved him. I didn't want to lose him, I never wanted to. Jacob Barrons was the first guy I ever fell in love with. But it got to a point where I wasn't in love with him anymore. I still cared about him but it was time for things to end. We weren't like we used to be, we weren't in love. I knew it would be hard for me to end things because I still cared and do still care. So we ended things which I was glad would could be civil about it and we didn't end it because of some argument. It was hard though, I cried quite a bit, and I still cry, I've been a lot better but I still do from time to time.

But what I hate about the whole situation is I can't talk to Jacob Barrons, well at least he doesn't want to talk to me. I've said a few things here and there to him but he ignores me. I've e-mailed him and he just gets mad, and if he does e-mail me back he just insults me. But I want to talk to him, I can't help it, he was my best friend for over two years. I just wish I could stop feeling like this. I wish I wasn't in pain anymore and I just wish I could see him and talk with him.

Right now the only person that can truly get me to stop thinking about Jacob Barrons and stop me from feeling so bad is Jacob Pizzo. When I am with him and when I talk to him all those thoughts go away. Jacob Pizzo had been here for me, yes so have my friends but with Jacob there's a whole different connection. Our relationship has started off great. He treats me well and my family loves him. I think so far we've spent every weekend together and it's been great. This past weekend we went up north and he went snowmobiling with my family and I. It was awesome, though both of us were sick. It's been so weird being with Jacob because were almost like the same person. Yeah we have our differences but we are so alike in so many ways. Every time we talk we discover new things about each other. That's why I love talking to him. Jacob Pizzo is an amazing person, he's sweet and kind. Jacob makes me feel so happy and I love it. He has treated me with so much respect and has really proven to me that he really cars about me. I know that Jacob Pizzo won't hurt me like Jacob Barrons has, I know that he'll take care of me and will never insult me. Jacob Pizzo really cares, he really loves me and I really love him.


One thing people have asked me and even Jacob Pizzo has asked me is "if Jacob wanted you back, would you take him back?" I know the answer to that, no. If there was a chance Jacob Barrons asked for me back, which I don't think he ever will, I would say no. Even if I wasn't with Jacob Pizzo I wouldn't take Jacob Barrons back. I've learned that I can't take steps back into the past, I have to move forward in my life. But like I said it wouldn't happen because I don't think Jacob Barrons will ever come back to me. Plus I am with Jacob Pizzo and I'm not going to be leaving him.

I've learned from what has happened. I wish I could change some things but I can't. I know Jacob Pizzo is going to be here for me. I hope that Jacob Barrons is doing alright and I wish I could talk to him. But I'm finally really happy and I don't want this happiness to end and I know as long as Jacob Pizzo is around it won't.

This is a brand new year. Time for me to start over. This year already started great for me and I'm not going to let anything hold me back. I'm a different person now and people already see that. I know I'll see my friends more if they call me back, lol. But this year is going to be great and I hope it goes great for everyone else.

I may still care and I may still feel something I have to get rid of those thoughts. I have to be strong even though I am weak. I'm going to learn to walk on my own two feet. I have to, I need to. I have to move on with my life even though it is hard. I may have moved on in one way, I still haven't in others. I have to learn to be like him, do what he has done. I hope I can do this, I know that I will never turn back again. I have to move forward in my life and not move backwards. No matter what I'm not gong to stop, I have to give myself the happiness I deserve.

I hope you all have a great new year. I hope things go great for all of you. I'm hoping I'll get over things and work through them. I know my friends and Jacob will be here for me through these hard times. Thank you all, well have a great new year everyone.

I have posted in a very long time, s I thought I would. My birthday was a few weeks ago. Well for my birthday I went to Youmacon, an anime convention in Troy. This was my first anime convention ever. I went for the whole weekend. It was so awesome, I had such a blast. I walked in and just felt so normal. I can't wait to go to my next convention. I definitely wan to cosplay all three days next convention. All I can think about is me next con. There is a convention called Anime Central in Illinois that I want to go to. Everyone there kept talking about it. My friend Shannon was telling me to go.



This is me and Shannon on friday.


This is me and a girl I met on friday, I loved her outfit.


This is the really cool Spartan guy Jacob and I talked to, Jacob more than me because he was talking about how he made his costume.


This is Josh and Justin, two friends of Shannon, that I met.



This is me with Mike, a voice actor.



This is Jacob dressed up as Dr. McNinja



This is a picture of the Sailor Moon Photoshoot that I went and took pictures of.


Youmacon was so much and I can't wait to go next year. I am looking forward to my next anime convention. But after the weekend was over with, it was my 18th birthday, it feels good to know I'm not 17 anymore. Well anyways my birthday weekend was great and I had a blast.

Stay off the roads everyone I am street legal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday & Wednesday
PRINCIPLES OF SOCIOLOGY 9:00AM 10:15AM
PRE-ALGEBRA 11:00AM 01:15PM
ENGLISH COMPOSITION I 1:30PM 02:45PM

Thursday
BEGINNING LYRICAL JAZZ DANCE 4:00PM 5:50PM

So we have a little tradition in my family. When Erica and Alysia graduated they both did a drawing for my parents. Erica started it when she drew a picture of the three of us when we were younger. Then last year when Alysia graduated she drew a picture of the three of us now. So if I were to keep up the tradition I'd have to draw us what we would look like in the future, which is something very hard to imagine. So I took a different route. Everyone knows I love anime so I drew the three of us as anime characters. I set the drawing out last night so mom and dad would see it in the morning, I finished it at 2:30 in the morning and I want to share it with everyone. So here it is.


So for each of us I thought of our personality and I also though of our three favorite colors. SO for Erica I decided to depict her as Lettuce from Tokyo Mew Mew..



For Alysia Sailor Mercury from Sailor Moon...



And for me I of course did Serenity Tsuki my main character from my manga Moon Demon..



I really love it and I really think it turned out great, and best of all mom loves it, so I'm happy. Well I hope you all like it. ^^

( my xmas stocking )

well I haven't updated in a very long while and well alot has happened recently.

Let's see festival was last week and I was so excited because we got a one. I wasn't really sure on what we would get. WE have our lights out performance tonight and I'm looking forward to that. Then we have the big MC game on friday, which will be really good.

THen we had Homecoming this past weekened. I had people over to my house and things went well. It was nice spending time with my friends and Jacob.

I had softball sunday, it was my last two games ever with that team. Tough my coach told me I can practice with them and even help coach next year, which made me happy.

Then there is this past monday.Jacob and I celebrated our one year together. I was really excited and was glad I got to see him that day.

Well see I've been busy, but whatever. That all I got to say. See ya.